Leith 2XV 71 - 0 Edinburgh Northern 2XV

Match Report by Will Tuft

In honour of the delicious baking recipes on display at Leith Rugby’s annual Ladies day, here is the homemade #2s recipe for a victory over their Edinburgh Northern rivals.

Leith’s homemade dessert
Serves: Every Leith member
Time to prepare: 5 weeks without a game
Time to serve: 80 minutes

Ingredients:
15 Leithers fizzing for some rugby after several weeks without Rugby.
1 dried out pitch
A gusting 40mph wind
A pack of forwards dominating scrum time
A functioning lineout
Wheels out wide
A game Edinburgh Northern side
1 bench of finishers
A considerable amount of spice

Method:
Take your Edinburgh Northern side and blend with wind for ten minutes to create an uncomfortable opening for your home side, making sure that your defence is up to scratch. Once you realise it is, move your Northern mix back 50 yards and allow the Leith concoction to prove.

Bruise the defensive line with several carries from your Leith Pestle and Mortar, messrs Kirkwood and Crolla, spread your attacking flair across the pitch, allowing your wheels to open a gap and place the bottle aged 34 year old over the line to score.

Repeat step 2 but speed up the mixing and add even more flair, adding Guesford’s tap ‘n’ go sauce and Lees’ liquid pace for two more tries.
Now, use your pack of forwards to knead the opposition defence into a malleable shape by using a Ben Place and Choo Lawrie shaped tenderizer. Once softened, continue to tender with a Stitt and Derrin rolling pin and now slowly add essence of joue slowly, beginning in the Leith 22. Add several drops of spicy sauce and allow 1 minute to soak into Dunko, Barr, Kaihe and Humphreys.

Now whizz up a Felix Palin and slowly mix into the spice blend. Heat and watch it explode into a try of the season contender.
Allow your fusion to rest for 5 to 10 minutes.

As you add your finishers and use brute strength to combine the elements together in a Willie Cook shaped mould, be careful not to add too much Edinburgh Northern as you will need to stop any latent chemical reactions by putting an Ally Mcleod in the way to maintain a clean work surface.

As the reaction dissipates, add a Smith but make sure that you pretend to throw it into the mix at least a couple of times before blending. Ensure that you add a Walker and a Moore to break down the last resistance of the mix. Now work all of your ingredients together and bake for a further 30 minutes.

Once you are happy with the mix, add an aesthetic flourish of a Humphrys kick and chase or a Seymour coast to coast score and you have a finished product worthy of the finest Rugby bakeries in the world.
Repeat the recipe for two more 80 minute performances and if all the ingredients are mixed properly, watch a single game become a championship.

Final score
Leith #2 71-0 Edinburgh Northern 2s

Tries:
Tuft
Guesford
Kaihe
Lees
Crolla
Dunko
Smith x 2
Humphreys
Palin
Seymour

Conversions:
Guesford x8